Unforgiven Penance by Selestia
Unforgiven Penance
The Bone Eater's Well.
Once upon a time, only a few years to be exact actually, she had come through for the first time and met a boy with cute and soft ears. Pulling the sacred arrow from his heart, she released him from the Goshinboku before the centipede youkai crushed her to death. Crushed him to death? It would be hard to say. Some say that youkai are immortal, but over the years it had been proven that they died just as easily as the humans.
But a hanyou?
He was suppose to be the good guy, with his little white ears and charming personality. He shredded Mudake Joro before she could destroy them, and then turned on her. Why? Why would he turn on the very person who had let him loose?
The Shikon no Tama. The sacred jewel of the four souls that the centipede had bitten clean from her body. He would kill her, spill her innocent blood upon the earth, to claim that powerful object for himself.
Osuwari.
The elderly, one-eyed miko of the village, Kaede, placed the kotodama no nenju around his neck, and with that one word of subjugation, Kagome could make the hanyou kiss the earth. Much to the hanyou's vexation, and much to the pleasure of everyone else involved.
Then the karasu youkai took that sacred jewel from Kagome that very next day, forcing Kagome to be quick-witted and put the youkai's claw on her arrow, shooting it at the karasu for an accuracy that was sure to hit the mark...
Hit the mark!
The connection washed the sky and earth in a blinding purple light...
And their fantastic odyssey began.
Meeting many new faces and allies in their journeys, the hanyou and the miko scrambled to gather the pieces as the presence of the dark hanyou, Naraku, was brought to them. Kikyou's murderer, the source of Miroku's curse, captor of Kohaku, Sango's brother, and the murderer of their village, the creature that held the reins to Kagura, wind sorceress who slew the ookamiyoukai clan. So many atrocities, so many horrors, and now that hanyou desired a completed Shikon no Tama.
Not if they reached that goal first.
Though that goal had a darker side as well.
A hanyou, born from a human mother and youkai father, Inuyasha craved the power of a full youkai. A full taiyoukai, like his father, the Inu no Taisho, and like his elder brother, Sesshoumaru. With such power, he could defeat Naraku and avenge his beloved Kikyou, and everyone else that had been harmed because of Naraku's malicious cloak and dagger games. And the Shikon no Tama could grant him that wish. It could, it really could. But all the pieces had to be brought together.
The hourglass began to run empty as the pieces to collect became fewer and far between. A few shards, they had, compared to the near-complete ball that Naraku held in his oily hands. Even that much, without a completed Shikon no Tama, granted unimaginable power. Kanna, Kagura, Hakudoushi and others were results of that power, as well as the death and suffering of countless of innocent souls.
But it would come down to the power of their allies in the end. Naraku and his non-existent allies, for they were beneath him. Slaves, servants, warriors in fear of their lives. That was the coin of Naraku, while Inuyasha and Kagome depended on loyalty, friendship, and love.
Sesshoumaru depended upon something, or someone, as well, when he showed up upon the grim battlefield, that final battle to determine everyone's future and the fate of the Jewel of Four Souls.
The Bone Eater's Well.
It sat in the middle of a green clearing in what was known as Inuyasha's Wood. Inuyasha. A short distance from that well was the Goshinboku, the God Tree, the tree that the hanyou had been pinned to for nearly fifty years. Fifty years asleep, dreaming, waiting for someone with the power enough to release him from the forced hibernation.
She had come and it was done.
At the foot of the Goshinboku, she knew it was not there in the future, but there was a small pile of stones nestled between two of the larger roots protruding from the ground. A grave.
"Gomen ne. Gomen ne..."
The tentacle tightened around her throat, cutting of her windpipe until her breath was but a high-pitched wheeze, a whining sound that pounded in her ears as the world began to darken through the spots before her eyes. The small, sharp spikes on the outside of the tentacle moved against her skin, piercing the soft flesh, making ragged ruin of her cheek, but still she could not scream.
The finger-like tip of the tentacle caressed the top of her breast, and she tried to struggle, but it was like a rabbit with a snake--struggling made it worse. She heard, more than felt the chain around her neck snap, and saw the ground rush up to meet her as she crashed into the earth, coughing as she tried to relearn how to breath.
Idly, her fingers traced over the groove on the side of her throat where the chain had cut deep, making a gouge in her neck that had become a permanent scar. Bitterness flooded her. At least she lived to scar.
She watched, wide-eyed, as the red Tessaiga broke the barrier with powerful ease, and the tip pierced into the demonic scaled armor. Naraku's eyes had widened in surprise as the black blood squirt from his body, followed by the small chime of glass on the ground. Kagome tried to dive for the blackened Shikon no Tama, so filthy was the aura that it was more onyx than amethyst, and would have made it if the tentacle had not lashed out. If she had been quicker, if she had jumped, if she had been paying more attention...
"Miko."
The sound of the deep bass voice did not surprise her as she knelt in front of the stones, hands clasped in front of her. What could she do, for she could not run. However, she could not face the owner of that voice, either. But to keep her back to him would have been cowardly, and she was nothing if she was a coward.
"Hai."
When she turned, he was there, tall, regal, with the bearing of the aristocrat she knew him to be. Inuyasha's older brother. Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands. She had never asked Inuyasha, and was never to ask the taiyoukai himself if he was the Inu no Taisho now. It did not seem her place.
Ever.
From so close, his cold, amber eyes could see the pale half-moon scars on either side of her neck. His marks, his doing, in a lone fit of anger and disbelief he had marked her, scarred her for the rest of her natural existence. She was a stupid female, a wretched, lowly human, miko or not.
The Shikon no Tama bounced several times, rolling along the bare dirt. The miko's feet were swept from beneath her, and she fell to the ground with a soft pop and a sharp, immediate shriek of pain. That same tentacle raced around from her toward the Shikon no Tama that was just lying there, up for grabs, anyone's game--
"Gomen ne. Gomen ne..."
Sorry would not undo the past. Being sorry would not undo anything. That inevitable fact only increased the smoldering ire he felt for this girl. His eyes narrowed, and she kept her head bowed before stepping around him, away from Goshinboku, away from Inuyasha's grave, away from the taiyoukai and his grievances.
"Yurushite kudasai."
And he let her be.
She had meddled with the greater scheme of things since the very, very beginning.
First, it had been that double-blasted Kikyou, the miko who had tried to calm the youkai within Inuyasha's heart. Naraku had been the end of her, but only for her to be resurrected in the body of bones and clay just after Inuyasha's revival. The kijo, Urasue, had stolen her remains and brought her back.
Needless to say, the meddling was part of the soul, for the wretched girl Kagome was Kikyou's reincarnation. It figured.
He remembered her that very night that he had pulled the Black Pearl from Inuyasha's eye after using the muonna to find the location of their father's grave. She had come with the hanyou to follow the taiyoukai and his retainer into the Otherworld, into the Inu no Taisho's resting place. Had she come to be Inuyasha's support, for there was no way for them to know that she would be the only one to pull the Tessaiga from the stone.
Had she gone willingly into the unknown for the sake of a friend?
But she had taken the Tessaiga from that stone, and she had given it to Inuyasha, in spite of the Dokkasu burning bone and matter down around her. She had survived to give the fang sword to the hanyou. She had survived to give the hanyou the weapon to take his arm.
Time and time again, she had stood up to him, to the great Sesshoumaru, in defense of Inuyasha. Was it merely friendship, or love? Was the soul reaching out for the hanyou, for both the miko Kikyou and the wench Kagome had felt a bond, felt a connection. Sesshoumaru had tried to slay her, kill her many different times, and every time was thwarted by that hanyou. His little brother, half-sibling, Inuyasha.
The black Shikon no Tama bounced on the bare earth before rolling to a stop. The miko had her feet swept from beneath her, then that tentacle raced for the jewel like a cobra for a bird. Suddenly, it stopped, and twitched before falling limp. Black blood sprayed from the severed end, the Tessaiga half-buried into the ground, the hanyou clasping the hilt between both of his hands. Naraku's eyes narrowed, breathing ragged with the bottled rage as the plans that he had so carefully laid were being thrown to the wind, one after another...
He found that miko, that Kagome, kneeling in front of Inuyasha's grave at the foot of Goshinboku, the God Tree. Why they had decided to bury him at the foot of a God Tree, Sesshoumaru did not know. He had known for more than half a century that it was the place that the miko Kikyou had sealed him. Sealed him a tree attached to time itself. Her black hair was braided, falling down her back to her waist as she kneeled, head bowed with her hands clasped. She prayed. She grieved.
"Miko."
The woman rose slowly, resolutely, then turned to face him. Her clothing was white and red, that of a miko, though the aura of defeat surrounding her was palpable, and unbecoming of a miko--human or no. Her head remained bowed, hands at her side as she simply stood in his presence.
"Gomen ne."
Again, she side-stepped to walk past him, her shoulder brushing the soft fur pelt on his shoulder. Such impudence from a mortal, to walk away before she was dismissed. He should punish her--
"Yurushite kudasai."
And he let her go.
She needed to reach the Shikon no Tama before Naraku did. Rising to her knees, she felt a ball of dread in the pit of her stomach as her right arm hung limply at her side, the tingling in the very tips of her fingers the only evidence that it was still truly attached. She had to reach her feet, had to get the jewel before Naraku could recollect and regroup.
"I can protect us all."
Jinenji's mother had long since passed on by the time Kagome made a trip to see the hanyou. His large blue eyes were wizened by years, and the conversation was painfully void of all topics of the past. What could he say that would not bring forth pain? What could she say that would avoid the subject of the past?
The visit was short.
Retracing their steps in her sojourn, her feet always came back to one place. The Bone Eater's well. Goshinboku. Kaede's village, though Kaede had passed on as well, several years past.
Goshinboku stood the same as ever, tall and soothing to the soul. One of the rocks on the grave was toppled, and she kneeled to put it back in place, closing her eyes as she did, hoping to feel closer to the one she had loved and lost.
"Miko."
He always found her. Always. She rose to her feet, unable to look into the face of the taiyoukai. What to say, what to do? But she was nothing if she was a coward. Finally, she turned to face the older brother of Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru.
The taiyoukai looked the same. He would have looked the same in her old time, as well. Old time, new time, future time and past. The future was her past, now. The road was shut, she could not get through.
"No--!"
With Tessaiga in one hand, the hanyou clasped the black Shikon no Tama in the other. "I can protect us all, Kagome."
If things had turned out differently, she honestly did not know if she would have stayed, or if she would have returned. Returned and finished school, become what she wanted, have a family and grow old in the Higurashi shrine.
Looking up at the taiyoukai, she felt a wave of sadness. He was alone, so alone...as alone as she. But, like her, it was by choice. They were both alone because they chose to be, but not for the same reasons. Never would they have the same reasons to be isolated in this world that was his present and her future.
"Gomen ne."
Sesshoumaru simply watched her with a cold look before she walked past him, brushing along that soft pelt as she did.
"Yurushite kudasai."
And he let her go.
The warrior monk, Ungai, had told his Rin that youkai and humans should not mix. That being together would prove a tragedy. Thinking back over time, Sesshoumaru had to concur with the long-dead Ungai. A human and a youkai made a hanyou, who wanted to be a youkai yet be with a mortal, a human. But that deep, deep desire, that thirst for power...
The corrupt Shikon no Tama was overwhelming for any youkai, let alone a hanyou. His desire to protect the girl and their friends was powerful enough that it took on a life of its own. Inuyasha's claws lengthened as his eyes grew dark, glowing a bloody crimson from beneath his white bangs.
"Inuyasha?"
From the still-living miko, who kept her distance. Her right arm hung limp from her shoulder, but she tried to reach out to him with her left hand, fingers outstretched. She drew back, bringing her hand to her chest with her eyes wide with dread as the hanyou snarled at her, purple marks appearing gradually on his cheekbones.
He should have killed her years ago, when he had had the chance, before Inuyasha became a force to be reckoned with. But now, here she was, standing before him beneath the Goshinboku tree once again.
"Miko."
Every time she faced him, and every time it seemed as if it were the most difficult task, as if she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. It had been known to him for several, several years now that she grieved, lines around her eyes making her age indiscernible. She grieved.
"Yurushite kudasai."
Naraku slumped back in a pool of black blood, hands holding the sickening bulge--a bulge of things not meant to see the light of day--inside his body as he stared in disbelief at the hanyou before him. Dead? Him? Impossible! Impossible! How could it be--
The Tessaiga came down then, slicing through his mutated body with a blaze of energized light. The last thing that he could see was his miko--Onigumo's miko--
"Kikyou..."
And he was no more.
This time, there would be no retreat.
"Miko."
When he came to her this time, she turned to face him with resolution, the gray braid down her back swaying gently at her waist. He was still youthful, beautiful and regal. Still the same as always. Why did he come here? Why did he come to the Goshinboku each time to face her? To hear her speak, then leave him?
"Gomen ne--"
"You came from somewhere else. Why not go back?"
She felt her eyebrows furrow, expression crumbling slightly. "The road is shut. I cannot go home."
"Do you apologize for that?"
"You know what I apologize for."
The Tessaiga dropped to the ground with a clatter, the hanyou's hands curling in on themselves as he looked down at them, upper lip curling though his expression remained angrily blank.
"Inuyasha?"
When he turned to face everyone, she realized that no one was home. No one that she knew, no one that she loved. Her eyes widened, for even as she opened her mouth to speak the word of subjugation, one talonned hand came up to rip the kotodama from around his throat, scattering the beads and shells across the earth.
"Inuyasha!"
As long as he held the Shikon no Tama, he was lost--
"Yurushite kudasai."
He knew that she had no home. She was a miko, yet the village did not accept her any longer. The tale was old of the battle for the Shikon no Tama. She wandered, and she relived each step of her travels with the hanyou in her mind as she revisited every location that they went together. He had seen her more than once from the distance, walking slowly across a meadow, trekking through a mountain pass. Always at a distance.
And always alone.
What had come of her other friends? That taijiya or the houshi? Was there not a kitsune that was permanently attached to her? What of her friends?
"Miko, your friends. Do you not know them any longer?"
She did not answer him, standing there at the foot of the Goshinboku next to the grave of Inuyasha. Instead, she looked down, then away to the side, unable to meet his gaze.
"Miko--"
"That road is shut, as well."
Had she cut herself off? Let her friends drift away? Was her guilt and conscience that ridden?
With a horrible-sounding pop, they had managed to put Kagome's dislocated shoulder back into place. Immediately, the warm sensation of feeling returned, but tears bit her eyes as she felt the horrid tingling, like her entire arm had fallen asleep on pins and needles. She watched her dear hanyou do battle with his brother, and knew that it was lost. He attacked without thought or reason, a madness that had overcome him more than once, but a madness she had been able to return him from...
Until now.
"Miroku-sama...I need my bow."
She asked forgiveness. She asked it not for him, but of him. Of all her friends, of everyone. It was her penance, to ask for a forgiveness that she could never obtain...
"What road is open for you, miko?"
"Yurushite kudasai."
Penance was a commitment that stayed eternally within the mind and soul. Kagome knelt in front of Kaede's grave for once, which had been placed opposite Kikyou's new site when her clay body had been shattered by the dark devil, Naraku. What was she to do?
She was unforgiven.
Her aim was true, as true as Kikyou's could have ever been. Tears scalded her cheeks as she made her decision. Tears fell to the earth as she let her arrow fly.
The arrow tore through the air like gossamer, and hit its mark, piercing through the red fabric that covered the hanyou, that covered his heart. Her eyes did not falter, even as Sesshoumaru stopped attacking, as Inuyasha staggered beneath the force of the attack. Red eyes faded, and the eyes that looked up at her with disbelief were those of her friend. Her friend, her dearest, her love.
"Inuyasha," she whispered.
Her bow fell to the ground as Inuyasha swayed on his feet, then went to his knees.
"Inuyasha!!!"
She went to her knees when she reached him, hands wavering over the arrow that stuck from his chest. Her arrow. The arrow she used to pierce his heart. Be it a hamaya, or be it a normal arrow, it was belonging to a miko, and it did not contain a sealing spell.
He would die.
Her hands pressed down around the wound, where even through the fabric she could see the dark heart's blood ooze around the wooden shaft. Keep it in, hold it in. He can heal! He can--
"Kaede-sama...gomen ne. Gomen ne..."
The day she died was a day full of regret. She was unforgiven.
Inuyasha's breath left his body without a word to her, and she felt her heart wrench within her heart as his hand slid down from her cheek to rest over his stomach. Her fingers curled against his haori, saturated with blood that was beginning to mingle with the salty tears from her eyes.
"Temee..."
Looking up, she found a white clawed hand come for her throat. She was ripped away from her dead friend and shoved into a tree until it bit into her back. Claws dug into her throat, and she knew that blood was being drawn, even as she stared into the cold fury that was Sesshoumaru's ire.
It had not taken her long to figure out his reasoning, but a long, long time to accept it. Why had the great taiyoukai been so angry with the hanyou's death? Did he not wish it himself? Had he not tried to dispatch of his nuisance of a little brother more than once in the past?
It had taken many years to understand the greater scheme of Sesshoumaru, the last of the family line. A hanyou was not considered of the line...but a full youkai? A taiyoukai?
The Shikon no Tama would grant that wish to the taiyoukai. He had depended on it to restore the honor to his family's name.
But it only granted one wish.
"I can protect us all."
"Yurushite kudasai."
The Goshinboku was vacant, and it made the taiyoukai raise an eyebrow, stopping in that same place he had stopped every year on the date of the death of his little hanyou half-brother. On that day when the miko from a now-shut road had pierced his heart and slain him.
Tears coursed down her face silently, but he did not care. Inuyasha was his to do with as he pleased. His younger sibling, his problem. How was it that two different mikos could destroy the same youkai with an arrow through the heart? It was extraordinary.
"Gomen ne...yurushite kudasai."
He looked down at her hands, her blood-stained hands, then back up to her hollow eyes. Leaning in, he could inhale that scent of salty tears, metallic blood, and pungent despair. His eyes narrowed to molten slits, and he could see fear slip into her eyes as he did. She feared him, and it made his malice that much more enjoyable.
"Miko, you are unforgivable."
His Rin had questioned him about the girl with the peculiar outfit more than once after that. What had she been to Rin? What had she been to any of them? A nuisance, a miko, a wretched, stupid girl who did not understand--
Understand what?
Standing there in front of Goshinboku, he felt a twinge of regret deep inside. She had given her life over to her unforgiven penance, and each year at that sacred God Tree, he denied her forgiveness.
Every time.
Somewhere between the last visit and this, it had come to him through a source, a still young-looking grand-matronly source, that he should not deny the miko. She had been Inuyasha's choice. Inuyasha had made his choice to protect them all, and left her with no choice whatsoever. She had to do what had been necessary, and he should have seen it. He had seen the pain her eyes, heard the soft crumbling of her heart, and still he denied her.
Staring down at the dual graves, one next to the other, and one much older than the other, he felt a twinge of remorse. In that moment, as he kneeled before the miko's grave, he repented.
In that moment, he forgave her.
Glossary
Onigumo -- Naraku's human self
karasu youkai -- crow demon
muonna -- the "unmother" -- youkai/spirit that is the entity of mothers who have lost their children in war
Goshinboku -- "God Tree" -- the sacred tree that Kikyou sealed Inuyasha to
Mudake Joro -- "Mistress Centipede" -- the centipede youkai that first brought Kagome through the well
kotodama no nenji -- "The power of the spoken word" -- the rosary around Inuyasha's neck
"osuwari" -- "sit" (Inside joke in Inuyasha; "osuwari" is commonly used to have domesticated dogs sit.)
"gomen ne" -- "I'm sorry"
"yurushite kudasai" -- "forgive me"
kijo -- witch
miko -- priestess
youkai -- demon
taiyoukai -- demon lord
hanyou -- half-demon
"Inu no Taisho" -- Lord of the Dogs - the title given to Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's father
"temee" -- "you" - singular and rude
hamaya -- also hama no ya -- purifying arrow of a miko
Ye Olde Author Notes: Most folks already know that this is a one-shot. Well, it was. ^_^ Also, I technically never consider anything "complete". I'm always changing things. But thanks for reading! I really appreciate it. I did this in one sitting, but I've gone back to tweak a few words here and there that just came to my attention. Eventually I'll have it as satisfactory to my perfectionist attitude. *beams* Ideas are wracking my brain--I'm going to get moving on my other stories to make room for MORE before I get a migraine. And once again, thanks for reading! I do enjoy the writing!
--Selestia