This is a really short chapter, but I am okay with that. It turned out nearly how I wanted it, so I feel good about it. The next chapter should be done soon.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha.
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The pull of the world when you are young is a strong one. The sense that something bigger and better is out there tugs at your heart until you think that you will go insane from the sheer want and need to find whatever it is.
The journey and can be long and hard, or it can be short and simple, but the thing that matters most, if how you choose to live your life once you are gone.
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It has been six years since I left my home to attend school in the city. I never thought about how much it would change me, and until a few months ago, I never really noticed that it had. Life here is so busy, there is never time for anything other than work and sleep, and it was not until I got a letter from my mother that I realized how long it had really been. She had not written in quite some time, finally giving up when I failed to answer her back for over six months. I could have kicked myself for that, but I thought that she would understand how important my work was to me and how much I wanted everything to be better for the both of us.
I did not want to spend the rest of my life being weak, I wanted money and power, something that I never had before. I wanted to provide for my mother the way that my father never could. I suppose what I really should have done was called more, that is what she really needed, not my money. I found this out the hard way, though, and that is what really hurts. The letter I received was not in fact from my mother, but one of her close friends informing me of her death. I did not even know that she was sick, but that is probably because I never bothered to call and ask her how she was. I felt like crying, but I never did, I would be weak if I cried for the one person that I had ever really cared for. I would be weak if I admitted that it was my fault that I never knew that she was sick and that I never got to tell her how much I really loved her. I kept all of her letters in a box, and for the first week after her death I would read them over and over again after work. I could not even bring myself to help with the funeral arrangements, I told my younger brother to take care of it.
Even though she was not his real mother, she loved him as a mother loves her son. He was the product of my father and one of the neighbor girls, and after she had him, her and my father ran off and left him on our door step. My mother took him in and cared for him like he was a part of us, and in a sense he was. We never saw my father or the girl again, so we are all that he knows. When I called and told him to make all of the arrangements without me, he cursed at me for ten minutes before I finally hung up. I knew that he would be angry, but this was something that I felt like I could not do. That was three days ago, and Inuyasha just called and told me that the funeral is the day after tomorrow and that I should hurry up and get home. This is that real hard part, coming back home after all of these years to bury my mother. It was not how I wanted my first homecoming to be, but then again, I don't think that I ever really planned to go home after I left. I loved my home when I was young, and I still do to this day, but I always felt so closed in and I just had to get out of there.
"I need to say goodbye,"
I knew that I was going, no matter how much I did not want to be back there, I had to tell her that I love her and show her that I can do it.
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Getting out of work for a week was not an easy task, but when I explained what had happened and that I would not be able to be there, they understood. No, thats a lie, I had to threaten to quit before they let me take the time off. These are the times when I miss my hometown, back there when someone dies the whole town shuts down for the funeral. No one had to beg or threaten people to be able to see their loved ones buried. With my flight booked and my bags packed, all I could do was sit and wait. I was never very patient, though I played it well, on the inside I was always screaming for the waiting to cease. I always wanted what I wanted when I wanted it, and I suppose it is not that much different for me now. I want to be there and to get this over with, and then I want to come home and get back to work. I want to make it through this without crying and without falling apart. I want my mother back.
"I want her to be there when I get there,"
There I said it, I said what I really want. I want to go back home and have her put her arms around me and tell me how much she missed me and loves me. I want her to cook me my favorite meal and complain about how I have not gotten married and given her grandchildren yet. I should have visited, if only I had gone back every once in a while then I would have had all of that, but I didn't. I wanted to rule my own world, the world where I was a successful businessman, not the world where everyone knew everything about me.
"I should go," I told myself as I grabbed my bags and headed out the door.
I had called a cab and they were waiting for me on the street outside of my door. I put my bags in the car and then got into the back seat. I was thankful to find that the driver was not very talkative, I hate those kinds the most. The ride to the airport was as uneventful as I had hoped it would be, and so was the boarding of the plane. I would be landing about forty miles away from town, so I would have to rent a car to get there. When I was a kid I wished that they would build an airport close to us so that we could see the airplanes takeoff. It was a stupid wish, but back then it seemed like the most amazing thing that could happen to our town having planes come and go.
As the plane began to take off I put my headphones on and closed my eyes, hoping that when I woke up the world would be a different place, and I would not be going home to say goodbye to my mother.