The Pirate With a Parrot by Vonne

The Stalking of Sesshoumaru

Disclaimer: Veggie Tales and their silly songs and their movies/episodes do not belong to me. Inuyasha and its characters do not belong to me… otherwise; there would’ve been a mass collaboration between all our favorite SessKag authors to finish the anime/manga.

…It had to be done.

A ‘swish’ of silver hair swayed as the owner moved gracefully through the crowded streets of the morning, purpose being the objective that could not be obtained. Honestly, living was so… boring. Mildly, Sesshoumaru wondered if death would be more interesting. After all, if you were dead, you could watch from above (or below) and laugh (or question) at other’s (mis)fortune. Not that that had become his favorite past time or anything, because he never laughed. No, it was just something that was more than slightly amusing to do while he waited for something else to happen.

So why exactly was Sesshoumaru almost relieved to smell a certain familiar scent amongst the extremely disturbing ones of the humans surrounding him?

Perhaps it was because it had been such a long time since he had seen her; she who had known of all the great things he did, she who smelled cleaner than the rest, she who always managed to get herself in some kind of amusingly troublesome situation. Nevertheless, it had been far too long in demon standards since they’ve had an encounter; Sesshoumaru genuinely wondered what she’d get herself into this time. Just the thought of it was able make his lips twitch upwards. Hmm…

Speaking of the priestess, she was heading his way. On purpose, most likely, for he had let some tendrils of his youki leak out to see if she’d avoid him or not. She had, in fact, not deterred at all and had actually begun speeding faster towards his destination. That pleased him immensely. Why, though, he would not question. If it gave him something to entertain his thoughts with, there was no reason to argue with whatever it was. Sesshoumaru began heading away from the crowd, intent to keep his meeting and amusement with her almost-private.

“Sesshoumaru!” he heard her call and, sure enough, there she was, running towards him. When she finally reached him, she took a backward glance that caused him to raise his brow. “Good,” she personally sighed, “I’m free for the time being…”

“So,” Kagome began, “Why are you in Boston?”

He merely stared at her. “I had yet to be in Boston during autumn.”

“Uh… I see… yeah, that’s great,” she murmured, her eyes roaming the crowd all around her.

“It is good to see you too, miko,” he commented dryly. Kagome’s head whipped back to him, showing Sesshoumaru her wide, sneaky grin.

“Hah! You’ve finally learned to greet me after one whole century!”

“You feel accomplished because of that?”

“Sorta, but I think you should be feeling that more so than me.”

“Do explain,”

“I wish I could, but I’m running out of time. I only came here to warn you.”

Sesshoumaru couldn’t help but raise his other brow. Warn him? Of what, possibly, could he absolutely be needed to be warned of? He voiced his thoughts in a monotonous drawl.

“Your possible-stalkers,” Kagome replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Stalkers…? Seeing his befuddled expression, she made a quick attempt at explaining. “Well, you see, your brother sort of got bored over the last few decades and decided to see how you were keeping yourself occupied. In his exact words, ‘Might as well go see what the bastard half brother o’ mine is up to, seein’ as this era is as boring as shit.’ The possible part comes into play because he’s too lazy to actually go and work to stalk you, seeing as, quote unquote, ‘Keh! That asshole ain’t worth my time.’ So, uh… don’t kill him if you actually find him following you.”

Sesshoumaru blinked. His brother really was an idiot. Not that he ever thought the hanyou wasn’t, but considering how he kept himself alive all of those years in the Warring Era, Sesshoumaru had assumed he had some form of intellect. Once again, it was wiser to simply observe (or not) the brat other than assuming random things out of possible cases. Logic could simply not be applied to Inuyasha. It was an unspoken rule, he was quite sure of it. The miko’s words began to sink in and he realized with some strange thought what was really going on, but not the one to trust that line of thought (seeing as Inuyasha was somehow involved), Sesshoumaru decided to give her the benefit of doubt.

“Miko, if this had started decades ago, why is it that you come now?” His unexpected response was a blush and a few stuttered words.

When Kagome finally managed to regain control of her tongue, she decided to tell the Taiyoukai the truth and pray that she not be punished for it. “Well, you see, for the past few decades Inuyasha has actually been shoving orders in my face and… wait, no, that didn’t come out right…” she tapped a finger to her chin and scrunched up her face in an adorable fashion that screamed Kagome, “Uh, so, uh, I might’ve been stalking you for the past few decades under orders of Inuyasha…?” and please don’t kill me?

Sesshoumaru was amused. He was probably far past that, but for the sake of retaining his ultimately intellectual vocabulary, he would stick with amused. Kagome always brought trouble, except trouble wasn’t the exact word he would use in this situation. No, perhaps it was something akin to entertainment or extreme embarrassment, as her cheeks were still a rosy red.

Seeing as how he was simply standing there with his lips twitching upwards, Kagome decided it was safe to say she wasn’t miko-sushi yet. (An odd thought popped into her head right about then, ‘say, if Kagome equals sushi, then Sesshoumaru’s poison equals wasabi…?’) Thusly, she continued on with her ingenious plan. “Yeah, and, well, I’m fed up to the extreme with your brother and decided if I wanted to continue saving lives and being pure and all that in mind and heart that I would, y’know, disappear for the next few years… or so. Well, at least until he catches up with me and understands I’m officially quitting the job of ‘taking his crap’. Okay, eww, that came out wrong… but you get what I mean, right?”

“…Indeed.” Sesshoumaru couldn’t help it; the smirk was fully plastered on his face and he couldn’t get it off. He was definitely right; the miko was just full of awkward situations and whatnot.

Somewhat startled by what was going on behind Kagome, Sesshoumaru had to blink a few times to confirm his eyesight. Inuyasha was walking off a ship… decked in all-out pirate gear. His head was whipping around, sniffing the air and most likely searching for his runaway.

“Pirate attire… quite amusing, miko.”

She shrugged. “Hey, it kept me peaceful for the first twenty years and it hid his ears.”

“Really, the first twenty? I could have sworn that outfit could only last ten.”

…and Sesshoumaru couldn’t help but be startled by another one of Kagome’s sneaky grins. “Kouga came along too after the first five.”

“Ah…” he nodded understandingly. The ookami in pirate gear would be a sight to see.

“So…” she prompted, “Since I’m running away, I doubt you’d bump into me for awhile…”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Could you give Inuyasha and Kouga some false leads? I suppose I’d go somewhere the exact opposite from you…”

“And where are you planning to run off to?”

Kagome blinked and then got back into her contemplative stance, “Maybe Hawaii, or Korea, or Malaysia… Actually, I heard China should be peaceful around this time… Hum, I think I’ll go for somewhere with beaches. A lot of beaches would be nice.”

Sesshoumaru was about to cut off her daydreaming as Inuyasha was getting a lot closer, but she seemed to snap out of her stupor soon enough and look at him with gleaming eyes full of mischief. “Wanna come?”

“Pardon?”

“Sesshoumaru, you want to come on my trip away from those two?”

Silently he began to weigh his pros and cons. It was obvious that running away with Kagome would have many more pros than cons, but it sounded so wrong… “I do not see why I would not, miko.”

“Excellent! We start with bypassing the two idiots and sinking their ship. They never do anything for it, anyways.”

…and felt so right.

As Sesshoumaru and Kagome walked away (arms linked) towards their ship, stress relieved on Kouga’s and Inuyasha’s, everything seemed to click into place.

“Did you know that Inuyasha and Kouga have never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul?”

“…I did not.”

“It’s ludicrous! They can’t call themselves pirates!”

“And you can be one?”

“Uh, yeah! I’ve owned a parrot before, Sesshoumaru.”

“…”

“His name was Rawrzers.”

“Would something horrible occur to me if I asked why?”

“He enjoyed making kitty noises.”

“…”

Horrible, terrible crack… Good thing Sess is the sanest demon out there. Otherwise, I think he would explode from Kagome’s LOLOLOMGLOOKIT insanity.