VERY IMPORTANT, READ FIRST!!!
I wrote this four years ago, when I originally wrote it it was not about Kagome and Sesshomaru, at that point I hadn't even seen Inuyasha. However, when I stumbled upon it a few days ago I decided I would post it as a fanfiction oneshot to see the responce. I have a concept for a full story. This stands, however, as a oneshot. If the reception is good, and people want more, I will continue to write a full story for it.
It should also be noted that because this was not initially written as Kag/Sessh, he will be fairly OOC.
I do hope you enjoy, and let me know if you want me to continue with a story.
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It wasn't impressive; in fact, at first glance, it was nothing if not desolate and ugly. It had no signs to welcome or entice, and no smiling faces inside or outside waiting for you with open arms. It was just a small hole in a bustling shopping center, in the middle of a busy city. It was nothing more than a small café. Few had heard about it, and it was always threatening to close; to lock down forever, only to be quickly forgotten and replaced with something more useful, such as a computer or music store. What purpose could there be for a small, run down coffee shop? Surely there were plenty others of higher quality and hygiene. But as I stood outside of that store, fearful to go inside, I knew that it was so much more.
What makes a place important or worthwhile if not the memories and events associated with it? If Santa Clause was only a story, and children did not expect their presents yearly, would his name be held in such high esteem? A place is held in accordance to the importance it holds to us personally, or perhaps it holds to society. And this little coffee shop was everything to me; everything good, everything bad, and everything that my life had become and was to become.
I walked into the shop with my eyes closed, for if they were opened I would have to look around and face my fears. So instead I stood there for an eternity held in a grain of sand, allowing the sounds and smells to intoxicate my heart and soul. Oh, how rich the world is through four senses! The assorted flavors of rich coffee beans roasting-along with vanilla, thyme, chocolate, cinnamon, spearmint, peppermint, and many other spices-blended together to form an overpowering smell; intertwining potency and comfort into one like the arms of a father and nearly bringing me to tears.
I would have lost myself then, just to the smells. But the sounds of coffee grinding and idle chatter pulled me back, my eyes opening before I could stop them. Oh accursed human curiosity, the falling of men great and old, and Pandora's tool to destroy peace, I now fall prey to you. I worried my lower lip and glanced about, visibly wincing when the object of my fears came into sight, there lounging in a chair, holding a coffee in one hand and what appeared to be a frozen mocha in the other. He stood and smiled, forever stealing away what breath I had. And even though he was only inches taller than me, his aura and soul consumed me and my heart beyond hope of return.
"Hey... you're late, of course; I got you the house mocha, since it's your favorite." Once more he smiled, this time with a hint of concern and fear subtly outlining his hazel depths, all the while handing me my drink.
Curse Him.
How dare he, how dare he know me so completely and equally abandon me. My heart clenched and the only sign I showed of it was the constant chewing on my lip. His face hardened ever so slightly, and he reached forward and ran his thumb across the lower lip as if to scorn me my abuse of it, before sitting down and silently encouraging me to do the same.
"How have you been?" He was cautious in his tone, and sipped his coffee carefully before suddenly finding great interest in the black depths.
"Alright. Work is the same, home is the same; in fact, everything is."
"Everything? Come now, we both know life cannot go on without change."
I laughed bitterly, "Yes, I suppose we do know that."
"Don-, "he stopped and sighed before once more resuming his inspection of his coffee cup and its contents.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, each contemplating what the other was thinking, even though we knew each others thoughts completely. How do you talk to someone when you know everything they could say? What do you say to someone who knows everything that you could say? Where do you go when you reach the highest mountain top? For me in that moment, there was only one thing I could say.
"I miss you..."
I glanced at him, but at his face I quickly had to turn away. God, those eyes would be my bane. The scorching windows that opened every ounce of him to me without his consent would always kill me. Oh love, how you punish me for locking you away. I fear I cannot help but take the pain, for I cannot let you out.
"Kagome..." Oh that voice, that wretched voice, "Please look at me."
And so I did, my eyes rising and then slowly my head until I finally found myself captured in him. Every ounce of pain he felt, every drop of love, all his regret poured into me through our terrible forsaken bond.
"What good does this do Sesshomaru?"
"I love you."
"Saying it has no meaning anymore."
"I love you."
"Sto-"
"I love you."
"What do you want fro-"
"I...love... you."
I closed my mouth and clenched my teeth fiercely, refusing to say another word and steeling my eyes in hopes of hiding from him. But all of this was to no avail, for he took my hand in his and bore his heart unto mine with those eyes before speaking once more
"I love you."
I looked at him and breathed in deeply, then solidified my resolve, "You know I love you. I always will. You know what you are to me, as well as what you will never be again."
A single tear slid down his cheek and I reached to wipe it away. He leaned his cheek into my hand and for a moment I allowed myself to comfort him, before leaning forward, kissing his cheek lightly, and rising.
"I have to go... you have a fiancé now, and I will not do to her what she did to us."
"No... please..."
"You've chosen; you did so a long time ago," I stood and turned away, readying to leave that horrible coffee shop, when I heard him sob. Slowly turning, I found him on his knees with his hands in his face and shaking uncontrollably. My already broken heart dissolved into nothing. I feared it had stopped completely and that I would die then. Yet at the same time, I welcomed death; for in death, I would forget him, forget this terrible coffee shop, forget this world. I would finally be free. But alas, a moment later I knew I was alive, for my heart was pumping a million times a second at what I heard him saying.
"I chose wrong Kagome; so, so wrong. Don't give up on me, don't leave me now. Not now, not ever. Love me, let me love you. Who am I, and what am I supposed to do if I can't love you? I know that's why I'm here Kagome. God sent me to love you. I know he did, because it is the only thing I can do right. Please, come back. I promise you that if you walk out that door, my life goes with you."
"Sesshomaru, stop this right now," my heart continued to pound, and I would give anything to make him stop then and there.
"NO! No, I cannot stop! I cannot give up, I can't live without you. I tried and I failed." He was sobbing hysterically now, and his voice held a lace of desperation.
"I will not subject myself to that kind of pain again." I hardened my voice into steel, hoping to repel him.
"I won't hurt you; every hurt you feel is my own. Why would I hurt what I love?"
"I don't know, why would you? Why did you? Why did you accept her lust when you had my love? These are all very good questions. And I refuse to care any longer. No Sesshomaru, you think I don't feel it? Right now I feel your pain. You know that I do, you know I can physically and mentally feel everything you do. But it will enslave me no more. No more..."
"I need you..."
"I know."
"You need me..."
"I know."
"Then don't fight fate!"
"I must."
"Why?"
"Fate would destroy me, and God gave me free will."
"I love you."
I growled, low and harsh in my throat and my fear, anger and pain threatened to consume me. And before I could stop myself I was with him on the floor. My knees bruised from hitting the ground so hard and my entire being shaking. Without a second thought I wrapped my hand around his neck and placed the other on his chest and kissed him fiercely. I poured everything left of me into that kiss, letting him know that nothing would change my mind, but that nothing would take me from him. As soon as I felt his response I ended it as fast as I had started it. Leaning back to kiss his cheek once more, I felt a bittersweet smile come to my face. I had finally felt him, possessed him once more, only to have to let him go forever.
"You are my heart, and my soul, but I will not come back. I would rather die. I love you with all that I am, but God has allowed society to rip us apart. And I, for one, will not go against the will of God. You and I will be one again in Heaven. We will stand before Him and hear His angels sing, though none as sweet as you; my own angel. Now, in my mind, I can almost hear his apology. Until then there will be no us. Goodbye, Sesshomaru."
And with that I stood and began to walk away. He made no more sound and no more pleas, and I was grateful to him for it. I walked out of the warm coffee shop and into the cold night, but I felt nothing. I was truly numb in the physical and mental sense until I reached my car and sat inside. And only after I had started the car and heard the radio blaring James Taylor did I crumble. First my hands fell to my lap, no longer able to grip the wheel, and then the invisible dam in my eyes broke and the river behind them broke forth. Finally my head dropped to the wheel and my entire body was engulfed in rakes of pain and jolts of electricity. I could not stop, nor did I want to, and every sob tore my throat as again and again I called out to God with Sesshomaru's name upon my lips. I was lost in the moment and forever after, and the only thing I could scream was why, why Sesshomaru, why me, why the world, why god, why anything. And somewhere in the midst of my questioning of the universe, my forsaken angel came to me and carried me away. He said nothing at first and I was incapable of speech. And all I remember before falling asleep was hearing him finally whisper to me in the cold crisp night.
"Because the world is damned, and no one on this earth is free."
Those were the last words I heard from him. And when I woke in the morning I was in my bed, light peaking into my room like a child checking on the mother working in the kitchen. No matter how many times the mother says to leave, and that she is busy and tired, the child's curiosity and needs always push it to return. I rolled out of my bed and went to my window, opening the blinds and letting the disobedient child run in and hug me. For what is the sun if not the physical embodiment of God giving love and comfort to the world? I accept your apology God, and when I get to heaven I will hear it pour from your lips as I stand in the arms of my angel. And then will I live again.