That made me laugh. And it looks like she is in quite a sticky situation.
Waiting for the next installment. Keep up the good work. :)
....
Married?!...Married?!
-.-
Ok, I commend you on straying away from what most writers fear to do. It isn't the usual cliche of Sesshomaru taking advantage of her, she hates him for a 4 chapters (or so), and then "poof!" live, love, and forgive. Very unrealistic, overused, and it greatly belittles rape.
But, this is good. Different, and pretty sad to say the least. I can safely say that I think she slept with Naraku in order to rebel against Sesshomaru. I'm not surprised he got married (can't wait to see who the wife is), considering he needs to have legitamate children and it could have been a political alliance.
I normally don't review this much on a story, but you've caught my attention, thus far and you deserve recognition for being unique.
I'll go continue now. xD
O.o
Was not expecting that. The toying, advances, teasing, tension...but not the act itself. It is apparent that she has some major problems with men
Hmm, I wonder where it is going, and if Sesshomaru does find out, how he will react.
=D Onward march! Next chapter.
Ah, Naraku. Classic foe. This should be interesting. He sounded pretty eerie to me.
Still good, and interesting.
But mainly, I liked the last sentence.
"Hell was going to be busy tonight."
It just gives me the impression that all the numerous masses have no humility, taking into account all the dark deeds they have done. Such a lightless world, per say.
(Chapter 1) - Thu 22 Jul 2010
@ Gabrielle
No I didn't take it as a flame. Constructive critcism is always appreciated! I do agree with you. However, this story's been out for a while and I'm frankly too lazy to go back and change all of it. (sorry!) It is nonconsensual and supposedly, as a young girl who knows nothing of the world, she's curious as to what he's doing to her and though she may hate what he has done to her, she can't help but be attracted to him. I know I didn't do a good job of conveying it, but hopefully it becomes better later... hopefully... *fingers crossed* Thanks for the review! (^_^)
On a high note, it is written very well. Some of your sentences are just beautiful. It flows, grammar is good, and it leaves you wanting more.
If I may say... (Please, don't percieve this as a flame. Just constructive criticism)
My only qualm is that I was under the impression that the act was nonconsensual on her part. Wouldn't the entire act be horrible for her to endure, considering the circumstances? I mean, yes Sesshomaru is attractive and whatnot, but I don't think that provides enough leeway for her to enjoy the act, it being rape and all.
I may be wrong however. The structure felt like this:
Beggining: Her attitude hinged upon reluctancy, slight distate, with all the feelings attatched to repeating usual chore
Middle: She enjoys it
End: She seems "pleased" and still struck by his perfection and "love making" (can it be called that?), yet we are suddenly thrust into a, "...and I hate him"
--
Besides that, it was a good read. ^ . ^ I'll continue now. And again, I hope you don't what I said above. If so, please forgive me.
Page 3 of 3
| | | | | |