This is a good start but it needs a little TLC. There are several grammatical errors, and it seemed like you switced between first person and third person POV in a few spots. I would watch out for that, other than that, the little mistakes I found are nothing that a little editing session won't be able to easily fix. You have a very interesting start here and with a little TLC this will be a wonderful story. Ill look forward to more of your work in the future.

Interesting start but I feel this story could use a bit of TLC.  For starters, some of your paragraphs are rather large and it can make things hard to read on a computer screen.  Try to keep them around three to four lines each.  Remember to only have one person speaking in any given paragraph, more than one will confuse the reader and make the story harder to follow.  And I would really recommend working in third person, ie he or she, rather than first, I, as it can be a lot easier to write. 

To me, your story being in first person seems to interupt the flow and makes it harder to follow.  Watch out for your puncuation, I've noticed most of your dialog sentences don't have any and their absence will distract your readers.  Even within dreams, try to stay away from bold, it really isn't fan fiction's friend.  Try italics instead, they tend to interupt the flow less and still get the job done. 

Don't get discouraged though, everyone starts somewhere and I made plenty of mistakes on my first stories too :).

First of all let me warn you that the 4th chapters "AN" is not permitted. This type of note unrelating to the story or addressing the readers in general, isn't allowed on Dokuga as far as I know. Also, you arn't allowed to independently address reviewers. Just an admin note I thought I'd share. You have a wonderful start here. Great story flow, and nice concept. Just a few grammatical errors to edit. Great job!

Wow, really nice.  I was hooked from the first chapter you really made me curious as to why she was dying.  I love the story told from a different point of view.  The slant is very different and refreshing.  I am  very interested in what happens next and hope you update soon.  Again great story.

I like the story line and I like the direction that you are taking it in.
I did see a few grammatical errors that if cleaned up would make this an even better story, but like I said a few...very few indeed. Like in the first chapter..it's self, it could be changed to itself. But honestly I do like this story and I hope to read/see more from it soon!
Good job!