Great little collection you've got here. You are such a wonderfully talented writer, and I'm very eager to see more from you - whenever that may be. You have a lovely way with words, and it gives your pieces a fluid, almost poetic flow that has captured my interest and is refusing to let go. I sincerely hope to see more from you soon.
A nice collection of drabbles. I liked how you interconnected all of them. They were well written and had few mistakes for something that you did not have a lot of time to proofread.
I really liked your drabbles. Even though they weren't very long they said so much. Your use of vivid imagery is very good. I would really like to see what happens next with "their" dance.
I read your author's note and understand you put it up for fun and it was written in a very rushed setting. It could use some editing so it flows better but the overall story was good. I admire how you were able to connect each drabble as if they were mini chapters. I really liked the last one best where he realizes it's all about the chase. I don't know if I believe him, but it's obviously part of his facination with her. Being Sesshoumaru that is certainly a more acceptable reason for his interest/ obsession. If your muse ever leads you back to this one again, I think it could be developed into a really facinating story.
I give you my kudos for doing a drabble night. It can be a daunting task. While the storyline was good, I think there is something to be desired tense-wise. It seemed at one point to be present, one point to be past, and at other times, I didn't know what was going on. I think it was good considering the time constraints, and I have often found it harder to convey something in a very small amount of words than it is for a larger one. Good job.
It had an interesting story line and I could grasp what you were trying to say but the execution wasn't quite there. Each drabble started off magnificantly but kind of drolled on as you continued and I was a little lost as to where he was half the time.The story would flow much better if you treated each drabble as an individual element and not like a mini-chapter within the whole and you especially need to finish the last sentence in the last drabble...it just stopped in mid thought
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 12 Feb 2010
It's a pretty decent drabble night addiction, but it could use a bit of work. While I release what it's like doing these, as I have done a drabble night myself, you've got to pay a bit more attention to the final editing. A lot of your sentences start out very good, it flows nicely, is beautifully written, but then it kinda of gets lowered in quaility. Almost like two people were writing each drabble. And it seemed he was jumping around a bit too much, like he kept going here, then there, then over there...and got a bit confusing. Also it does seem that the last part of the final drabble was cut off mid sentence.
Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Fri 12 Feb 2010
well that was a little hard to follow to be honest with you, and you seemed to leave an opening at the end like when you pasted it it was missing the end, or maybe just a punctuation....the little subsections were well written but didnt flow very well because of the sectioning off...i think with a little bit of work this could be a pretty decent story.
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