You mentioned that this is your first story and you should be proud. It's pretty good. There are some gaps in the storyline, but they are not all that serious and as you write more, you'll have more practice. You should however, really get yourself a beta. It's very hard to read a story with faulty grammar and spelling for a number of reasons.
Remember, that when you put a story out there, it's a representation of your creativity and you should do your best for it. There is no crime in not knowing perfect spelling and grammar. It is a problem when help is available and you choose not to use it.
Keep up the good work!
Sarah (Chapter 1) - Sat 06 Feb 2010
Please please please capitalize right. It's hard to read a story where things that should be captalized aren't.
Yay! I loved the update! It's a really good story. I can't wait to find out what Naraku has planned :)
Amazing, absolutely amazing! Can't wait for more!
Ana (Chapter 2) - Fri 01 Jan 2010
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