Ok, hun, I gotta be honest, so please don't try to kill me. The story idea is good. However, the chapters need some more added to them. The first one was alright but it definitely needs editting. The second one was much better than the first with some more details which is always good. I can see you are improving as you write and congrats the third chapter was well done (though it could have used a few more details). Take your time when you write and try to show whats going on rather than tell all the time. It will make it easier to understand. Good luck hun, I look forward to seeing another chapter up soon. BTW, *gives a funny look* i'm soo glad that i was the first review. Hee hee hee. *does a little dance*.