Hey!
The first thing I want to say is that the first chapter was really good - I think it's my favourite out of all three. I liked the whole pattern thing, with the drips and drops.
Uhhm, the only thing I can think to point out at this time, is perhaps work on the paragraph length. If it's too long, people tend to not want to read it. Otherwise, it's alright.
Thanks for the read.
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Mon 15 Dec 2008
Really decent start so far. In fact when you finish it can you please let me know so I can read the rest? :) Good job on grammar, detail and flow. Only problems I noticed were a couple of tenses and I would seperate a few of those paragraphs in chapter 3, some are rather large and it makes it harder to read. Other than that, great start. :)
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